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Asking for your moral help re: creativity and inspiration

This year, for all its hardships, is shaping up to be the year of personal gains. I sincerely feel 2020 will be a net positive for me: I’m more confident than ever, I have a better understanding of myself, and I’ve finally found a person dearest to me.

But I’m afraid my creative side is paying the price. My inability to express myself and to find—or create—anything evocative is continuing for many months. I’ve tried attributing it to burnout, lack of time, or general tiredness, but the problem seems to be bigger than any of these issues.

It used to take just a little observation to make me research topics of my personal interest and jump straight to writing afterwards. Now, it became extremely hard and impractical to get myself inspired. For example, if I want to look at some events from few decades ago, I must allocate plenty of time, turn on some period-specific music, flip through tons of clips—and then I might (or might not) come close to the required state of mind.

And we are talking about a scenario where I understand what I want to cover. Lately, I ended up staring at a screen for hours with no idea what I even want to do. To make things worse, museums and libraries—only venues which can surely put me in a proper mood—are either closed or, because of COVID-19 precautions, aren’t worth the risk of commuting through the city.

Recently, that made me unhealthy envious of everyone whom I perceive to be a more prolific creator, getting annoyed by their weekly videos, book deals, huge portfolios, and event invitations. This is an inexcusable behavior towards many people whom I personally respect, and it does nothing but destroys what’s left of my enthusiasm.

I don’t see a reasonable way to escape the situation. An unreasonable one is to take an obscenely long vacation and use it in lieu of a sabbatical. That would be highly irresponsible, and it’s not just me anymore whom I have to materially support. Leaving the issue alone won’t cut it either, as I want to remove whatever’s keeping me from covering my personal interests. Besides, I believe that, by not doing so, I am putting a limit on what I can achieve.

This post is a cry for help. On behalf of me and all my stalled projects, I am asking you for any advice you’d find relevant.

 No comments    32   1 mon   Personal

Onwards to 2019 with a Sense of Accomplishment

A year ago, I was “happy” to get a position as a sales manager trainee on local radio. “At least I’ll be employed,” I was saying to myself, “and then I’ll get a chance to actually become a journalist.” After a dreadful, pointless month of spamming businesses with cold calls and not bringing a kopek to my employer, the future seemed grim.

Now, however, I can say with confidence: not only, after almost a decade of writing commercially, I work as a full-time journalist, I’ve actually become one. I’ve got the gist of the profession, fully assured myself that’s what I want to do for a living and started improving my skills in this specific field. Besides simply writing for a local newspaper and web outlet, I’m happy to have an experience of acting as their editor-in-chief for a few weeks. I am also enjoying writing for other outlets – and in English, too.

I don’t want to confuse my English-speaking readers with Russian articles they cannot read. Thankfully, my most important piece was written for the international audience. My report on the abusive culture inside Nintendo’s Russian division sparked a corporate investigation on it’s General Manager, Yasha Haddaji, and so far made him go radio silent. Of course, I’d like to advance the story for the good of Nintendo RU’s workers, but right now we’ll have to wait – at least till Nintendo of Europe comes back from holidays.

The passing year was pretty notable for me, but the upcoming one might be the most important in my life. While I’d rather not jinx myself by announcing all my plans, they include writing more in English than I currently. This site is my means of doing so without relying on other publishers.

Let me be frank: my top priority will still be contributing articles to press outlets. (If you are a publisher and you like what you’re seeing, I’ll be happy to get mail from you.) However, I am constantly ending up with drafts for articles not making sense for pitching – like ones about the history of computing, another passion of mine. On top of that, there is an urge to talk about personal matters more than Twitter allows me for, and I don’t want to invest in another social medium just to be able to write bigger posts.

Please note that, as the webmaster – who is not me – is on holidays, some things might not work as expected. Notably, you might stumble on the engine’s welcome page, which is a giant lemon, when entering the address incorrectly. Make sure the address has HTTPS protocol and no www prefix if you stumble on the error. Fixing it is my top priority as far as technical ones go.

You might expect one of my articles made specifically for this site in January, hopefully till the end of the New Year holidays in Russia (January 9th). I’ll aim to update this site often enough to not be counted abandoned, but I won’t be writing for it just for the sake of it. That way, I can actually use it as my self-improvement platform, with all respect my readers deserve.

Happy New Year to everyone, and happy holidays to my Russian readers!

 No comments    90   2018   Personal   Site updates